I never get to say the fun stuff.

Sometimes I feel like I really AM the man, and am, in fact, trying to keep everyone down.

I never get to say the fun stuff!!

It's always "no, you may not bring your horse into the studio, even if he is an anthropomorphized recurring character on your show."

or "I'm sorry, but checking out all of our available HD cameras over the weekend to set them up at various points in your backyard to film a time lapse of the sun continuously for 3 days just isn't going to work out."

"No, you are not allowed to take the camera to Korea for 3 weeks."

"Yes, we would have noticed if this camera was shattered and filled with sand when you checked it out, we therefore CAN in fact be serious, and you are financially responsible for the damages."

It's a lot more "no" than "yes." Although all of it seems to get equally incredulous responses on the part of the producers.

It's no wonder I can't take a vacation! If I had to deal with these crazy people all day every day for a week I'd.... oh wait.... (facepalm) I've been doing it for the last 6 years!! Well when a small staff gets used to someone like me acting as buffer for the crazy for 6 years, it gets harder and harder for that buffer to take her dream "Biggest Loser Staycation" and spend a week dieting and spending 5 hours a day at the gym in lead up to the season finale. Life just isn't fair!!

I asked for the necessary week off a whole month in advance. I did not use the usual staff method of leaving, and then leaving a voicemail that I wont be back for said number of weeks. I wanted people to be prepared!

"But who will do the programming and deal with the producers for a whole week?" Asked my boss, all in a kerfuffle over it. That's right, the boss who takes a 3 week Buddhist retreat every June in the mountains of Colorado every June and is "unreachable" throughout. (And extremely angry when you get in touch with him over the phone while he's there anyway and than hangs up on you and leaves you stranded on the other side of the country). The boss who still manages to take at least 2 other weeks off during the year for various music festivals, and suffers from an undiagnosable 'illness' that keeps him out for another 3-5.

But me? The lowest paid member of staff (because I am, after all, a 'woman,' and 'young'), a WHOLE week? In a row? Impossible.

"But you said I have to take 150 hours of vacation this year, and I've only managed 25, and June is next month. You said I can't cash it in or keep it."

"Well, why can't you just take a bunch of half days between now and then?"

And yes, he was serious.

So I did what any logical person would do. I suddenly had vacation plans and the tickets were already purchased! Oh darn... And, why yes, I did already go behind your back and find people to cover for a lot of what I do before you had a chance to say they were too busy.

You're welcome.